Anti-Feminist Dog Shaming

I took some messages from Women Against Feminism and mixed them with images from DogShaming and this is what I got. (Sorry, dogs.)

dog9

dog3

dog6

dog7-son

dog4

dog5

Previously: This is what happened when I mixed DogShaming and Creationists

Bang Bang, Reloaded

kpcd-dans

My Pal Fishboy writes Denton album reviews for a site called Denton Record Chronicles, which is already pretty cool. But today he posted a release of my 2003 CD compilation, Kitty Kitty Bang Bang.

At the time of it’s release I thought it was a waste to press a CD for local bands who had mostly broken up or moved away (including Ratliff herself at the time), but looking back I can see it’s brilliance. Honestly there isn’t one bad track on here, and for anyone who wants a snap shot of what the scene was like in the late 90s, this would be the best place to start.

Read the whole review here.

Tone Loco Puffs?

Found amongst old tweets, a hashtag #HipHopBreakfastCereals started (I believe) by @JohnMoe with “Quisp Quosp” and “Ol’ Dirty Bunches of Oats”. Below are the suggestions I tweeted. They’re magically delicious.

Ka$hi
Fruit Snoops
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Fibre
Bone, Thugs N Honeycombs
Frosted Development
Honey Nut Coolios
Puffed Daddy
The Sugar Smacks Gang
Run DMC’s Raisin Hell
Boyz II Mini-Wheats
The Miseducation of Cap’n Crunch
Straight Outta Cracklin’ (Oat Bran)
O.G.-Original Grape-Nuts
Fear of a Bran Planet
Mos Toasties
AmeriKKKa’s Most Wheated
How Ya LIFE Me Now?

Memorable Quotes from my forthcoming Pizza Dog movie

pizzadog“We are in a state of emergency and my word is law! There’s only one boss around here, and that’s me. The PDIC. Pizza Dog In Charge.”

“The good Lord said to do whatever I gotta do, and he didn’t say, ‘Pizza Dog: be polite.'”

“I don’t have to do nothin’ but stay black and eat pizza.”

“You know what he’s saying right now? ‘Damn dog can’t eat my pizza!’ You know how he’s saying it? On an empty stomach.”

“We sink, we swim, we rise, we fall – We share our pies together.”

“I want you to get this straight! Most of the dogs here are here because they care! About those pizzas out there! This school, this fight, they are in it with you! They take it home at night, the same as you! They are sick of Domino’s, and so am I!”

***

This post, as is life, was inspired by Pizza Dog, Fishboy and Morgan Freeman.

Listen to a “Pirates” Day

canyon_cover
In honor of the holiday, something for those who prefer using their earholes and not their mouthholes.

The Dütch Treäts: Pirates

The Dooms U.K.: Pirates (live, unmastered version)

Courtesy of a guy who knows a thing or two about pirates, obviously.

Fun In Jackson with Johnson

WillJohnson2

In the summer of 2005, I went on tour with Will Johnson for a week. He was solo-ing the South and I was working on a book project where we’d discuss every single song he ever recorded. The project was shelved after my dad passed away—I stopped working on it for a while and Will has since released a grillion more albums. One of these days he’ll slow down for a few days and I’ll try to catch up.

But that week with Will was a fun one—I got a small taste of life on the indie-rock road, and Will got to drive around Alabama at 3 am looking for an open convenience store that sold tampons. We both learned a lot.

Today I’ve been packing for my move to Texas and I found some of my notes from the tour. Most were written in Jackson, MS, where Will played a small club called W C Dons.

7/18. W C Dons. Looks like somebody’s basement. Lots of mismatched couches, easy chairs and assorted Walmart furniture. No lights except for a chandelier with half the bulbs out. Sitting at a bar made out of doors—knobs and latches still attached. Feels like we inherited a haunted fixer-upper and are in store for some wacky mishaps. It’s Monday night in Jackson, MS. Awesome.

We had a lot of downtime (TOO MUCH? HAHAHA NOPE.) in Jackson, and Will and I started speculating about what the name W C DON actually meant. Sitting on a probably-scabies-filled sofa in that basement, we made this list.

  • We Clearly Don’t Own Napkins
  • We Cleaned, December Or November
  • What Crawled Down Our Necks?
  • We Could Die Of Narcolepsy
  • Why Cry, Darci? Over Now.
  • We Can Date Our Neices
  • Will Cruised Darci On Natchez
  • WILCO Came Down Our Nightgowns
  • We’ve Chosen Dallas Over New York*
  • With Crutches, Dancing On Nightcrawlers
  • Will, Clare Dreamt of Nachos
  • Why Can’t Danza Open Nuts?
  • Weber, Chris Drank Our Nytroglycerine
  • We Cut Down On Nougat

As it turns out, WC DON stands for We Couldn’t Decide On a Name. Go wild with nougat, y’all.

*That is the thing I did that led to me finding these notes! WEIRD!

I’m just writing this down so I won’t forget it.

I laughed so hard at something Matt Tobey said at our comedy writers’ retreat this year. Then like an hour later I tried to tell someone else and I had already forgotten. Today I remembered.

Basically, a few of us had been making references to “deez nuts” all night, because there was a jar of nuts and we are all eleven. And then the next morning I was talking to Matt and he said something like, “Yeah all I had to eat was doze nuts.” And then I laughed forever and ever amen.

Doze nuts.

It reminded me of our first year of camp when we were sitting around eating S’mores. Lisa said to someone, “Hey do you want the rest of this one?” and that person asked, “Why?” and without missing a beat, Matt chimed in, “Because she doesn’t want N’mores.”

We have fun!

Lots of LOLs at the Camp Kittenpants talent show!

Lots of LOLs at the Camp Kittenpants talent show!

Photo by Ahm!

Schwarzenegger’s Ghost

I found this gem in an old Chat history:

 

IAN: I had a dream the other night that I was raped by the ghost of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

MATT: Hooray! My Arnold Schwarzenegger Ghost costume works! (Also, I raped your twin brother dressed as Danny Devito.)

IAN: Hooray, my “twin brother” costume works!

Nic Cage Adventures

Once upon a time I was having a ton of fun with these Nic Cage “colorforms” from Brandon Bird. I created a daily adventure, mixing and matching the set’s three different Nics, the two scenery backgrounds and three or four other accessories.

nic-cage1

“Hey, Nicolas Cage! Would you like an ice cream cone? Love, a ghost.”

nic-cage2

“Hey bird — I found your skateboard!”

nic-cage3

“Y’all wanna go to Space Beach? I hear it’s haunted.”

 

nic-cage5

“You can only fit two on a haunted skateboard.”

nic-cage6

“My space-plane crashed. But this bird will fly my ghost ass home (or else!)”

nic-cage7

“I’m getting a suntan. On my SUIT!”

Eventually I ran out of combinations, so I added in pieces from other colorform sets, like Mickey Mouse, Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and WWF (back when that still stood for Worldwide Wrasslin’ Federation).

nic-cage8

“I’d love to come play with you. But my Dad said to clean the garage as soon as I finish this banana.”

nic-cage9

“One time a Robot tricked me into sweeping up a beach so he could go play softball.”

nic-cage10

“Shoo bird! Get out of my talking chair!”

nic-cage15

“It’s hard to defeat the Triple-Hogan Leg Drop.”

nic-cage11

“After four years of planning, building and design, I am finally ready to test this space rocket.”

nic-cage12

“I think I have a real shot at winning Heaven’s Second Annual Ball-Balancing Contest”

I wrote a theme song with Ken Grobe, who also sang and recorded it:

Who wants to have an adventure?
Nic Cage!
Who wants a haunted ice cream cone?
Nic Cage!
Who wants to go to a castle or a beach?
Who thinks that space is a place he can reach?
Who has an odd impediment of speech?
Nic Cage!
Nic Cage!
Nic Cage!

Finally, I just started sticking the Nics to my computer monitor.

nic-cage13

“I’m in yr Facebook, checkin’ yr profile!”

nic-cage14

“Hey R2D2 — let’s skedaddle before them Cone Wars start up again.”

nic-cage16

“Do y’all remember where we built that skate ramp? I need to practice my ollies.”

nic-cage17

“Go long, Jake the Snake. We can’t let the Meanies intercept.”

Then Nic Cage got arrested on charges of domestic abuse battery and disturbing the public. I gave him one last adventure and then retired him.

nic-cage19

“Domestic assault is a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom. Hello? Jail man?”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.