Once upon a time I was having a ton of fun with these Nic Cage “colorforms” from Brandon Bird. I created a daily adventure, mixing and matching the set’s three different Nics, the two scenery backgrounds and three or four other accessories.
“Hey, Nicolas Cage! Would you like an ice cream cone? Love, a ghost.”
“Hey bird — I found your skateboard!”
“Y’all wanna go to Space Beach? I hear it’s haunted.”
“You can only fit two on a haunted skateboard.”
“My space-plane crashed. But this bird will fly my ghost ass home (or else!)”
“I’m getting a suntan. On my SUIT!”
Eventually I ran out of combinations, so I added in pieces from other colorform sets, like Mickey Mouse, Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and WWF (back when that still stood for Worldwide Wrasslin’ Federation).
“I’d love to come play with you. But my Dad said to clean the garage as soon as I finish this banana.”
“One time a Robot tricked me into sweeping up a beach so he could go play softball.”
“Shoo bird! Get out of my talking chair!”
“It’s hard to defeat the Triple-Hogan Leg Drop.”
“After four years of planning, building and design, I am finally ready to test this space rocket.”
“I think I have a real shot at winning Heaven’s Second Annual Ball-Balancing Contest”
I wrote a theme song with Ken Grobe, who also sang and recorded it:
Who wants to have an adventure?
Who wants a haunted ice cream cone?
Who wants to go to a castle or a beach?
Who thinks that space is a place he can reach?
Who has an odd impediment of speech?
Finally, I just started sticking the Nics to my computer monitor.
“I’m in yr Facebook, checkin’ yr profile!”
“Hey R2D2 — let’s skedaddle before them Cone Wars start up again.”
“Do y’all remember where we built that skate ramp? I need to practice my ollies.”
“Go long, Jake the Snake. We can’t let the Meanies intercept.”
Then Nic Cage got arrested on charges of domestic abuse battery and disturbing the public. I gave him one last adventure and then retired him.
“Domestic assault is a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom. Hello? Jail man?”
Happy Valentine’s Day!